The beginning

 I turned 40 earlier this year.  In the months leading up to The Big Day, I made all sorts of promises to myself that I would turn 40 in style.  I would be fit and fabulous.  I would be glamorous.  I would drop the excess weight I was carrying.  And as you may have guessed, since I'm here writing this, none of these promises eventuated in any action.  So here I am - still 40 and fat.

I have spent a great deal of time in the past few years convincing myself that I'm okay with how I look.  And, you know, I am for the most part.  But there's also a part of me that isn't.  I have to search hard to find the pretty girl I used to be inside the fat, middle-aged woman.  I can primp and preen in front of the mirror and convince myself that I look okay, but then I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window or passing by a mirror, or see a photo in which I'm not posing strategically, and I don't look okay at all.  I'm shocked at what I see because the reality doesn't match my mental image.  I look fat.

Worst of all, however, I'm not healthy, I don't eat well, and I'm not fit.  I get puffed easily, just from walking briskly.  I have thyroid problems, which I'm sure are related to my weight, as much as I would like to tell myself otherwise. My knees protest at my excess weight.  I have plantar fasciitis in one of my feet (and threatening in the other).                  

The other issue I have is that I am very dissatisfied with my life.  I am bored.  The other night, I went out with a friend to the theatre.  On the way home, I was reflecting on how boring I seem to have become.  I have nothing interesting to talk about.  Somewhere along the line I have lost interest in the things that previously interested me.  I have no hobbies at the moment.  My life has become completely mundane and merely functional.  This is no way to live.

So I hereby declare that it is my intention to put the fun back into my merely functional life.  Firstly, to get fit and healthy, in support of this.  And to try new things.  Go to new places.  Get back into my hobbies.  And enjoy life again.

And today is the beginning.