Week 6: Weigh In

Weight:  96.0 kg

Chest:  115 cm

Waist:  100 cm

Hips:  120 cm

Thigh:  67 cm

Wow!  I can't believe I'm still here!  I continue to grow smaller.  This is good, especially given the fact that I have gone off the rails a bit over the past week.  I started the week off by making an extremely delicious chocolate cake.  I should point out here that the motivation for making the chocolate cake was feeling extremely depressed.  I didn’t know what to do about it to cheer myself up, and the cake was the result.  Nurturing myself through food.  See?  I learned something!  Food has become a way of caring for myself. 

But at least I know I have to change that way of thinking. 

Oh, and another thing I learned is that if you are going to bake a cake, baking it in a bundt pan is a really good idea.  Usually a cake in this house is devoured within 24 hours.  Often by me, for the most part.  But this one, despite its chocolate-y goodness, lasted about 3 days.  It’s awfully hard, for me anyway, to cut yourself a big slab of bundt cake that would be equivalent of, say, an 8^th of the cake.  It just doesn’t look right.  Much easier to cut yourself an 8^th of a round cake. 

This week I am contemplating joining a gym.  I have found one nearby that is only $12 per week, which seems eminently reasonable to me.  I must admit, though, that what holds me back is being the “fat one” in the class.  I spoke to the guy on the phone for some time, and he seemed nice and didn’t at all pressure me into signing up or anything.  He advised me on what classes would be best for weight loss and pretty much left the ball in my court.  I don’t know.  Is it just my fear of being judged as a fat person?  They have some daytime classes that I could make on days I’m not working (there is a free crèche, too) as well as a couple of weekend classes and even a bellydance class later one night.  But the negative voice in my head is trying to convince me that those classes would be full of skinny mums who would have nothing better to do than to think about how fat I am and laugh at my efforts  to keep up with the instructor. 

Even as I type that, I know how ludicrous it sounds, but still the fear is there.  Even though I know that overweight people join gyms every day.  And even though I know how much better I will feel when I’m fitter and stronger.  Even though going to the gym will solve some of my problems with fitting in exercise (such as embarrassment/inconvenience about working out at home in front my partner and occasionally children).  Despite all the positives, I keep focusing on the negatives.  

Week 5: Weigh in

Weight:  97 kg

Chest:  114.5 cm

Waist:  100.5 cm

Hips:  120 cm

Thigh:  68 cm

And this is why I should just keep away from the scale ...

So, I’ve been quietly thrilled at my rate of weight loss so far.  Big loss first week and then petering down to a sensible 0.5kg per week, just like the experts say you should.  Because, you know, if you drop too much weight too quickly you’ll end up looking like the saggy baggy elephant because your skin won’t have had time to think about shrinking and you’ll be stuck like that FOREVER!  Probably also something to do with screwing up your metabolism by putting your body into starvation mode.

Still - I can’t resist weighing myself every day.  In fact, several times a day.  Like, almost every time I pass the scale.  And the news has always been reasonably welcome, until I got home today from work and for no apparent reason thought I might as well way myself (as you do) and found that I tipped 100 kg again!  Horror!  And of course, even though my rational brain knows that weight can fluctuate on an hour-to-hour basis, let alone a daily basis, the irrational side of me stamps my foot in fury and looks for something to blame, and curses me for having had Thai takeaway last night (even though I remained within my daily calorie allowance).

Oh well.  This is a good demonstration of why the scale should be kept well out of reach until my Monday weigh in.  Constantly weighing yourself is a good way to lose motivation.

Speaking of motivation, mine has been pretty good this week.  I am amazed and delighted that I’ve managed to get this far – that I haven’t given up.  At the risk of sounding repetitive, I am convinced that it’s because this time it’s a lifestyle choice.  I don’t see myself as depriving myself of anything.  I’m still eating pretty much the same things as I ever ate, with a few small differences.  More veggies.  Less snacks.  Healthier lunches.  My breakfast and dinner are pretty much what they always were.  We are still having the occasional takeaway. 

I have managed to stick to my “Workout Week” this week, and have completed my 5 workouts from Saturday – Wednesday.  I actually look forward to exercising. 

Things are good.

Week 4: Weigh in

I appear to have expanded, despite losing weight this week:

Weight:  98.0 kg

Chest:  115.5 cm

Waist:  102 cm

Hips:  120.5 cm

Thigh:  71 cm

Possibly it’s because I measured myself after a meal, so my waist was expanded.  Or possibly I’m beginning to bulge with muscles.  Or possibly it’s because I measured myself over the top of the trackpants and t-shirt I was wearing, whereas last week I was wearing smoother fitting leggings and tank top.  Or possibly a combination of all 3 …

Evening snacks = bad sleep?

I’m experimenting with this idea over the next week. 

I have not had good quality of sleep for the past, oh, say, 5 years.  I find it hard to get to sleep, and when I finally get to sleep, it’s disturbed – I wake up frequently and find it hard to get to sleep again afterwards. 

I thought that when I started exercising again it would be somehow miraculously fixed, but this hasn’t been the case.  There have been a few nights when I’ve slept well, but others – like last night – when my usual sleep patterns prevailed.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that my evening snacks might be causing the problem.  I am usually only filling in my calories for the day of a late afternoon, and I’m finding that by the time I add up my day’s total, I have a few (like 2 or 3 hundred) to expend after I’ve had my dinner.  So I’ve taken to having some evening snacks.  Usually, a couple of biscuits or a couple of rows of chocolate.  Last night the snack was some Maltesers.   

So now I’m wondering if these late night (about 9 pm-ish) snacks are causing the poor sleep. 

So this week, I will be endeavouring to fit in those calories during the day with healthier snack options:  fruit and the like.  Or maybe upping my protein intake.

And see if my sleep improves …

Week 3: Weigh In

Weight:  98.5 kg

Chest:  115 cm

Waist:  101 cm

Hips:  121 cm

Thigh:  68 cm

This week has been a bit ... well, up and down.  Due to family and other commitments I haven't been able to work out as much as I would like, and I'll be working 3 days instead of 2 this week, so those days are also out of the question as I'm already up with the sparrows to organise the kids for their various daycare spots.  But sometimes life gets in the way of your plans, and you just have to cope with that.  I'll see how we go tomorrow and if we seem to manage to get out of the door without too much stress, I might try and squeeze in a workout very, very early on Thursday and Friday.  If not, we will be all systems go on Saturday again, as school is back next week and we'll be back to our regular scheduled programming.  

So.  My progress.  I must admit I’m quite chuffed.  I can see a definite difference already.  As I’ve already said, I can feel it too – my clothes are getting looser and my fat rolls less pronounced.  Unfortunately though, I suspect I won’t be able to keep my face wrinkles plumped out for long.  Thanks to being overweight, I am significantly less wrinkly than other people my age.  Once this weight is gone, I’ll be as wrinkly as the next 40-year-old, I suspect.  Sigh.  Oh well.  Who knows – maybe underneath all this chub I’ve got the older-woman glow of Helen Mirren …

Thoughts on a Saturday night

I’m feeling pretty good this week.   Highly motivated and positive.

I am eating pretty much what I normally eat.  I’m still cooking the same family meals.  I’m still having “unhealthy” treats.  But there’s a difference.  I’m serving and eating a lot more vegetables with our evening meal.  I’m having the occasional salad for lunch instead of a sandwich, or a wrap heaped with salad.  When it comes to treats – biscuits or chocolate etc – I’m having only small amounts.  And generally once a day, rather than 2 or 3 biscuits for morning tea, some teacake for afternoon tea and chocolate after dinner.  (And yes, that’s really how I was used to eating.)

I’m enjoying exercising.  At the moment I’m just sticking to my stationary cycling and this week managed 5 x 30 minute workouts averaging 24 km/hr.  While I’m doing that I am generally watching a dvd.  My partner and kids were away this week for a couple of days (it’s school holidays at the moment and they took an overnight camping trip).  So I managed a workout before work on Friday.  I can imagine, however, that it would be difficult to fit this in when I also had to get the kids ready for work, so I think I’ll be sticking to my plan of Saturday – Wednesday workouts.

My clothes are starting to become loose.  Things that were a bit of a squeeze to get into before are now fitting easily.  I feel like I’m losing a bit of my paunch.  I’m looking forward to taking a photo this week so I can start comparing.  It will be a good motivator to start tracking my progress visually.

I seem to have made it through the first danger zone.  In the past, I’d lost motivation by about 10 days into my “new, healthy lifestyle”.  Not so this time.  At the moment, I just feel stronger.  I feel inspired to try some new, healthy meals.  For some reason this week I developed a strong desire to try bircher muesli, so I’m off to buy some apple juice tomorrow to make up a batch.

I’m thinking of planning some rewards for my efforts.  My new lifestyle is about having fun, after all.  Today while I was out with the kids, we were browsing in the Wii games section of our local Target and I spotted Just Dance 2.  We have Just Dance already and have had a great time with it.  The new one has some songs on it that sound really, really fun.  Like, you know, the sort of thing a 40-year-old should be dancing to.  I resisted the urge to buy it then and there in Target, but I’m now thinking of making it my 95 or 90 kg reward.

I’m also looking forward to selling the clothes I’ve shrunk out of on eBay.  Earlier this year when I was job hunting, I bought a few pieces of businesswear, and most of it has been barely worn.  Really only to a few interviews, and most of it has been too formal for actual workwear.  Someone else might as well benefit by getting a discounted business suit or two.